Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
