apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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