There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
