You really coming over, don't trick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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