So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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