I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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