It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, beer. Big fan.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
