There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
