last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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