He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
