I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
