I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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