I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my liver is dry heaving
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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