I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
