my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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