do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
