She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Enjoy the penises
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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