You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
