I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize