Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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