I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
