Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
