im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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