i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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