I wanna bring you to show and tell
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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