There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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