We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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