My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
