there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
