I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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