i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
