I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
