I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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