You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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