I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize