SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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