I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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