He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
