I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
