I'm really into asian looking animals
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
