Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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