Barsexuality is the new black.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize