Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
