this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
