I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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