I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
