I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
