I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
