So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
