You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
