I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
