I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
