so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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