I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
