This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
