Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
