There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
