He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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