He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
