i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
