I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
