You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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