just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
