I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
