Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
