i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
