Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm too high and old for this...
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