Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
