I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
